Perseverance When Life Gets Ugly
Do you ever just feel like quitting? Of course you do, there’s times when we all feel like it. Right now I could stop blogging. I started blogging because God convicted me to share my seven year grief journey of not being a grandma when all my friends are. Now, when I’m in the “not so dramatic stage” of the story, I feel like bailing. Plus I’m busy, surely God won’t care. After all, how is my story different than the next persons? Also, my Bible study time is infringed on and I still need to get to work quilting! (For those of you who don’t know this, I have a long-arm quilting business.)
I think my problem isn’t the blogging, but my ability to persevere. To persevere when I’m feeling overwhelmed, and unnecessary. A faulty view of myself, prevents perseverance.
I didn’t write that for all of you to send me affirmation, ( of course you can if you want :), just kidding!), but because I know we share these type of feelings. In my present case, my lack of perseverance is a reverse pride; it’s all about me, how I feel, my plans, and how I view myself. It’s interesting that it also coincides with my emotional state in my grief journey..
While waiting for the birth and death of my granddaughter, I have a few journal entries like this….
May 28, 2012- “At this moment, if You would call me home, I’d go without a second thought…”
June 9, 2012- “Still today, I’ve been longing for heaven. To be able to praise You completely without wavering in unbelief. To have permanence. To have You be my total vision. Life is so hard! I feel like she (my granddaughter) is so fortunate.”
I wouldn’t say I was suicidal, but I was tired of earthly life. I believe the pain I was feeling, the disappointment of unfulfilled plans, the aloneness, is all part of the grieving process. I had to push through, to persevere, even when I hated it. So I took up running. I hated that to, but the forcing of my body to move forward was therapeutic. I started with the couch to 5K plan and as my lungs and legs strengthened, so did my spirit. I knew I’d never run marathons, but I did get my eyes opened to a new experience, the euphoria runners feel which makes running addictive. Now, due to leg, back and knee problems I walk, but I actually do miss running.
So how do we persevere when lifes ugly?
I read through the Bible regularly. Oh, not the one year plan, but more like six year per Testament plan. I’m slow! In the summer of 2012, I was reading Ephesians. God has an amazing way of putting me in the right book and passage for the circumstances He has me in. This passage jumped out at me.
“This is my life work: helping people understand and respond to this Message. It came as a sheer gift to me, a real surprise, God handling all the details. When it came to presenting the Message to people who had no background in God’s way, I was the least qualified of any of the available Christians. God saw to it that I was equipped, but you can be sure that it had nothing to do with my natural abilities. This is my life work: helping people understand and respond to this Message. It came as a sheer gift to me, a real surprise, God handling all the details. When it came to presenting the Message to people who had no background in God’s way, I was the least qualified of any of the available Christians. God saw to it that I was equipped, but you can be sure that it had nothing to do with my natural abilities. And so here I am, preaching and writing about things that are way over my head, the inexhaustible riches and generosity of Christ. My task is to bring out in the open and make plain what God, who created all this in the first place, has been doing in secret and behind the scenes all along. Through followers of Jesus like yourselves gathered in churches, this extraordinary plan of God is becoming known and talked about even among the angels!
All this is proceeding along lines planned all along by God and then executed in Christ Jesus. When we trust in him, we’re free to say whatever needs to be said, bold to go wherever we need to go. So don’t let my present trouble on your behalf get you down. Be proud!”
Ephesians 3:7-13 MSG
There’s so much about this passage I relate to. On my own, I’m not qualified to teach you anything, but the Holy Spirit is. He just asks me to do what He tells me. He’s the one who teaches, gives understanding, and without Him none of us could learn. That’s a Bible study for another time, but for now, it’s Eph. 3:10 which surprised me.
“Through followers of Jesus like yourselves gathered in churches, this extraordinary plan of God is becoming known and talked about even among the angels!” MSG
The NIV reads like this,
“His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Ephesians 3:10-11 NIV
Angels often get put in an “almost like God” position, but instead, the apostle Paul says angels are learning about God’s character, His plan, and His power by watching us and how God’s spirit works in us, especially in our trials. The ESV study Bible breaks verse 10 down like this...
“3:10 manifold. Taking various forms, or of many different kinds. God’s wisdom has many different facets and aspects, like an intricately cut diamond (1 Cor 1:26-29). now. In this age, in contrast to the time before Christ’s first coming. Rulers and authorities in the heavenly places refers to angelic beings. God’s redemptive purposes are of interest to angels (1 Peter 1:12) and the whole host of heaven who are better able to glorify God when they behold in wonder what God has done in creating the church (Psalm 148; Rev. 7:11; 19:1-8.”
(I copied that for you as proof that I didn’t make this up.)
Back to my original question, how do I persevere when lifes ugly? One way I persevere is to remember who God says I am. I may feel unimportant, too busy, not necessary and life’s too hard so I should just quit, but that’s a lie. The truth is God is big and intentional. My life isn’t about me and my little world. He created me to fill a specific role in a huge story that reveals the wonder of Him.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Ephesians 2:10 NIV
My little role even has angels watching so they can see how the Holy Spirit interacts with me and I the Holy Spirit. My response teaches angels about the wonder and glory of God, it shows them God’s plan. This role isn’t forced on me, I get to choose my response. I can wallow in self pity ( reverse pride) when life comes at me in an “unfair” way, or I can remember God’s redemptive plan.
God’s plan...
-He couldn’t have a relationship with me because my sin was in the way. Holiness and sin can’t be combined anymore than a white shirt stays white in mud. The mud has to go at the cost of an intense scrubbing.
-God wanted a relationship with me so He sent His Son Jesus to pay the cost of my sin by dying on the cross.
-Jesus’s blood was the “money” paid to make me holy.
-I accepted the gift of that “money” as my payment knowing I could never be good enough to meet God’s holy standard.
Now when I go through the good and yuck of life, I remember His plan. I remember what Jesus did to accomplish His plan, I remember who He says I am. I’m intended, I’m important and God has given me His own spirit so I’m not alone. Because of who I am, I can persevere. I can even experience thankfulness because, even though my situation doesn’t seem good on the outside, there’s good going on in an unseen world around me. One commentary even said my response is watched by the demonic world so that they could see the power and wonder of God’s eternal purpose which He accomplished through Jesus Christ (Asbury Bible Commentary). Wow! Who knew we were so valuable!
Oh Father! You continually amaze me! All this, the world we see, our circumstances, and the unknown world that’s hidden from our eyes, You have everything working together for Your good.
Open my eyes to how I can serve You. Open my ears to hear when You ask me to do something. I don’t want to miss opportunities here on earth because I’m listening to a lie.
When I eventually I do get to Heaven, I can’t wait for a big high five with You! I imagine us laughing together and I’ll shout out “Way to go God!” as You wrap Your arms around me!
May my life be a worthy object lesson for the angles to learn about You.
Because of who You are and what You’ve done, I praise You Jesus!
Amen.
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